Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
