If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
