i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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