I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
