That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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