Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
