i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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