I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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