Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
