it was like eating out sand paper
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
