The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
