Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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