Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
