separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
