Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
