I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
