I need help removing her.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
