what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
