by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
