I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
