youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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