Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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