I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
