Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
