Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
