Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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