I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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