were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
