Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
