I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish my penis had an off switch
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
