yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
