Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
