I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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