I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
