My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
