Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize