I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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