that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
