my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
