You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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