Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
