your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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