in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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