So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
