there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
