Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
