I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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