don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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