I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
