He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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