please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
